I arrived after a seven hour drive, and was told that I was given a smoking room "just as I requested". Um, no ... Why would a non-smoker *request* a smoking room?? I indicated that I did not -- and would not -- request a smoking room, and was met with an attitude by the front desk staff. I was then told that I must not have made the reservation far enough in advance. (Since their "just as you requested" didn't work, they tried out a new excuse!) I explained that I booked a full month in advance. They offered to set up an ionizer in the room for an hour, during which I couldn't be in the room ... after which they'd spray the room with Febreze. Ok, it's a feeble attempt at customer service but it just doesn't cut it. Any room that's had any number of smokers in it will still smell like smoke after one hour of ionization and a shot of Febreze. Carpeting, pillows, drapes, and wood furniture absorb the smoke. I asked if the nearby park benches were comfortable for sleeping and requested a pillow ... to which they agreed (!!) but eventually went to a manager to seek assistance with my predicament. In the end, they gave me a non-smoking room but tried to lay a guilt trip by commenting that "well, somebody else is going to get the smoking room then ... " Um, excuse me -- while I feel for that person's situation, it most certainly isn't MY fault that they gave me a room I didn't request. Oh wait, I almost forgot, they insisted I *did* request it, so I guess I must have. Amazing how after 42 years of not smoking I would suddenly request a smoking room.

Anyway ...

That night a group of us went to the hotel restaurant for dinner. To our amazement, we were told up front that they were very low on lobster -- only two left, and they might be ordered by another table soon. Okay ... you'd think lobster would be a somewhat anticipated entree in a restaurant in Maine, not to mention one which caters to travelers who might not often get fresh lobster. So we ordered our meals (not lobster). A few minutes later our waiter returned and said that they were out of scallops. This is where the fun began. A major brand hotel located in Maine ... and they have (at most) two lobsters and NO scallops. That was a shocker. We ordered around those items and figured we'd be in the clear.

An hour went by and soup finally arrived. More time passed and -- at last! -- we met our entrees. Two scallops garnished one of the plates, to which our server remarked, "And look -- they found a couple of scallops!" I was afraid to ask where they "found" them.

What should have been a quick bite in the hotel turned into a two hour ordeal. Exhausted, I returned to my room. I noticed that both phones were unplugged. Why housekeeping doesn't notice these things -- or else why they don't plug them in -- is beyond me. So I plugged them in. The message light was flashing. I called for messages and got a recording stating that I'd be "transferred to that extension". The transfer rang and rang. Perhaps the flashing mystery message light was the reason why both phones remained unplugged.

I turned on the torch lamp in the corner of the room and noticed that its base was encrusted in dust. Ugh. I then realized that the surrounding carpeting was similarly coated. Double ugh. I resigned myself to sleeping.

Since I didn't enjoy the reflection of red flashing lights on my ceiling when I'm trying to fall sleep, I gave up and unplugged the phones again.

The hotel charged me $186 per night, which is exorbitant for a middle-of-the-road room. That kind of money should get a MUCH nicer hotel stay. The uncleaned carpeting, poor restaurant service, and front desk staff with an attitude just made it even less cost-appropriate.

I suppose if you're blind, have no sense of smell, don't mind allergens, and enjoy rudeness, this might be the hotel for you. If not, try either the Portland Harbor Hotel or the Portland Regency, both of which are a mere 5 minutes away. Holiday Inn by the Bay is a disappointment.