Beware when making reservations at this place. If they've made a mistake on your reservation (such as putting in the wrong date), if you don't catch it on their email you'll have to pay for their mistake (even when they admit they entered the wrong date). In my case, this meant getting billed for a full day of "relaxation and fun" when neither I nor my guests were there. Not the service I expected from a “4 diamond” resort.

My wife and I just returned from Chateau Elan. It was perhaps the worse getaway weekend ever. The hotel is over-rated, over-priced, over-hyped, and over-flowing with its own self-importance. The hotel was so bad that it lead my wife and I fighting rather that relaxing. It was not until we started laughing at how bad the hotel was that we actual enjoyed ourselves.

It would be impossible to write everything that was wrong with the alleged 4 Diamond facility, so I’ll give you the four most aggravating:

1. The service. In a word, horrible. The staff was generally rude and more interested in ensuring that hotel policy was followed to the tee before ensuring that its customers are happy. There were exceptions, of course, but generally anything we wanted we were told either a) ‘no’; b) how much more that would cost; or c) how we could get it ourselves. What made it worse was how they would essentially tell us how they were screwing us with a broad smile on their faces. One staffer was so ugly with a smile that my wife actually nicked named her “Lupa,” or Italian for wolf.

2. The food. Being a resident of Charleston, South Carolina, I admit to being spoiled. And you know to expect at resorts in the middle of nowhere to pay higher prices. But the best way to describe the food was chain restaurant quality at 4 star prices. At one restaurant, it appeared they were out of more food than they had on the menu. The “award winning” wine was worse than Boones Farm. They posted no awards in the winery, so my guess is that the awards they won are for worst wines ever made.

3. The rooms. These people are flat guilty of false advertising. We were charged $300 night, more than what I paid for the Ritz at Lenox in Atlanta in December. We stayed in a room in the Spa. The room had warped posters and fake plants. The advertisement included a Jacuzzi bathtub. One did exist… it just did not work and apparently had not worked for a while. And, for the entire three nights we were there, the sheets were never changed—even though an obvious wine spot was on the top sheet. The digital alarm clock did not work and there was no phone book in the room. I have seen other writers compare the rooms to Hampton Inn, a description insulting to Hampton Inn, I’m sure.

4. The price. Everything, I mean everything, had a cost to it and the staff stuck to the cost, even if it meant the customer did not have a good time. After our second night, my wife and I decided to leave… except we couldn’t or we would be charged the full amount of the spa services we reserved. They also threatened to charge us for the room that night, as well. Pina Coladas… $11.00 a piece. That’s right $11. Wireless service? $9.95. Perhaps the most disgusting example of greed from these people came after we left the place. The bellman, their employee, filed to remove hanging clothes from the closet. The hotel did call to tell us they still had it. When we called to get the clothes back, we were told by voice mail that we would be charged for all shipping and handling charges including the cost of correcting the mistake their employee mad when he didn’t load the bags right.

In sum, these people are crooks. They sell you on getting 4 star stuff and really you’re getting a star and a half. Don’t spend your money on them and make sure to tell your friends the same. My wife noticed that she saw no one smiling anywhere on the property, including us. For what you are asked to pay, smiles should come easily.

The accommodations were nice and luxurious. I liked the very comfortable bed, the good food, the nice restaurants and I enjoyed the wine tasting.

The hotel was very modern and up to date. The guests were mostly my age.